Preparation and the Armor of God

In my last post I discussed that being prepared has been on my mind of late. I made that nice little list of ways I felt it was important to be prepared, but later realized that there is something I forgot: Spiritual Preparation.

First of all, it is important to know where you will spend eternity. This life, as we know it on earth, is a short one. Beyond this life, I know that I will spend the rest of my time with my Creator, God. This is not because of anything I have done or how good I have been. It is only because of my faith in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If there is anyone reading this who does not have this same security in this, please contact me I we can talk.

Secondly, beyond salvation, there is the preparation of knowing the Word of God and living it.

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you
may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the
breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted
with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In
addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the
sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:13-17

Paul talks about the armor of God in the book of Ephesians. Each piece is an important step of preparation. Verse 13, that I highlighted, stood out to me today. We need to know the gospel of peace and be prepared to give it feet. I think to do this, we need to know the Word of God backwards and forwards. The only way to know it like that is to be constantly reading it. This is very important preparation indeed.

Be Prepared

"Be Prepared."

That statement has been pressed in front of me today.

I was reading a blog by the sister of a woman who was in an airplane crash with her husband. She mentioned that her sister had just taken on the mantra "Be Prepared" the week before the accident. How fortunate because her house was in perfect order and well stocked making it so easy to care for the couple's four children. My mother is in a similar, although thankfully less severe, situation. She fell and broke her pelvis in two places. Since she will be off her feet for quite some time, she mentioned being thankful that the house was in order before it happened.



I can't help but turn my thoughts to my own home. [sigh] It's not so in order. It is messy, unorganized and even my own family members, and often even *I* can't find things. If something were to happen to me today, how difficult would it be for my family to function? I certainly hope, I don't feel burdened by this because something tragic is going to happen in my family, but it is making me think. I am not being a good steward of my stuff or my time when I am unorganized. For example, I spend way too much time digging through my big ol' pile of clean laundry to try and find a complete outfit for each of my kids each day. Of course it also takes time to sort, fold and hang all those clothes, too, but it is probably a better way to spend my time because there is way less frustration involved.



So, what does it mean to be prepared? I am thinking about this and here are a few ideas that I have come up with that I think are important for our family household:

1. Minimal clutter because clutter hides what's important.


2. Pantry stocked with items to make complete meals (still trying to decide how far ahead to stock for).


3. Clothing in order for all family members.


4. Medicine and first aid supplies stocked and organized.


5. Files organized enough that someone else can easily find things.


6. Emergency fund set aside.

I am sure I could come up with a much longer list, but I think these are the biggies. If these things were in place and in order, we would be better prepared if something happened to either Barry or me or if something happened to make us unable to get supplies.

Throwing Caution to the Wind

The Story About Investment
14-18"It's also like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his
servants together and delegated responsibilities. To one he gave five thousand
dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their
abilities. Then he left. Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled
his master's investment. The second did the same. But the man with the single
thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master's money.
19-21"After a long absence, the master of those three servants came
back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him
how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did
your job well. From now on be my partner.'
22-23"The servant with the
two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master's investment. His master
commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'
24-25"The servant given one thousand said, 'Master, I know you have
high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no
allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good
hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last
cent.'
26-27"The master was furious. 'That's a terrible way to
live! It's criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I
was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have
done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would
have gotten a little interest.
28-30"'Take the thousand and give it to
the one who risked the most. And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who
won't go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.'
-Matthew 25: 14-30 The Message

I have read this parable many times. The version I usually read it in uses the term "talents" instead of money which makes its hidden meaning more evident. God gives different gifts to each of us. These are talents are skills that come naturally. He does not give them to us to keep hidden under a rock, but instead to use. Through use, we become more adept at our skills. We hone our talents. God expects us to do this and to use them to His benefit (not just for our own selfish gain).

So, this is not a new concept for me even though it is something I should be reminded of regularly. What is a new idea that came out of the The Message is that God does not want us playing it safe. He wants us to do hard things and take risks. I don't think this means just any risk. But if we are in God's will, don't we have the best safety net there is? There is no better security than that.

So, I need to consider what areas of my life that God wants me to "go out on a limb." Some of our family's lifestyle choices could be considered throwing caution to the wind. Putting the size of our family in God's hands and allowing each blessing of a child seems quite crazy and risky to many people. There are days I think I am nuts myself, but I know in my heart that it is the right choice. I cannot imagine life without any one of my six children and if God decides to bless us with another I will joyfully accept that gift. Homeschooling is another area that I feel like I am out on a limb sometimes. It is a challenge and there are many days I would love to just hand the responsibility of teaching and training my children over to someone else. But God directed us onto this path and I know that it is the right choice for us.

I am wondering, though, where God wants me to go out on a limb right now. Where am I holding back and not using all of my God given talents? What area of life do I need to stretch? Something to prayerfully consider.

Church Home?

Hubby and I are in a process right now seeking what is best for our family in a church home. This is hard! I don't enjoy church shopping. We have attended two different churches over the course of the past month along with our own. One is a rather large church with a K-12 school and a weekly broadcast television show on a local network. It was nice. The kids seems to get something out of it, and the message both weeks was very good. Hubby loves how well they do things technically because that is what he does for a living (designs audio, video and lighting for churches) and gets excited by the thought of being able to serve in these areas. Part of me struggles with the fact that everything is kinda "slick" because the service is a show. Don't get me wrong, I believe God is present and those involved truly do have the right heart, but something doesn't feel in my gut 100% right for me. Perhaps that is just the nudge of the Holy Spirit because this is not ultimately where God wants us to be.

The other church we attended is a good-sized missionary church in a nearby little town. We know a handful of people from our current church who have started attending there including my brother-in-law's family. So, it made logical sense that we should try it. It, too, was very nice. I enjoyed the service and the message. There were several points made that I had just been brought to my attention during my own personal bible study the past week. I love when God does that - reinforcing spiritual thought He has already given you. The children seems to really enjoy themselves. Of course, for a couple of them, it helped that they got to attend with their cousins, but even my teenage girls really seems to enjoy their class as well as the service. They were really impressed with how friendly and welcoming the other kids were - something that doesn't always happen with that age group. My younger ones all seems to get a lot out of their classes and service (they have their own children's service). I was amazed at how well my son was able to tell me all that he learned about, retelling their bible story back to me in great detail. At home, I try to get him to narrate a story back to me and I barely get anything out of him. I am so curious as to how the told their story to make it stick so well.

Although overall we really were all pretty pleased, neither Barry nor myself felt a definite feeling that we were "home." So, I am wondering if that is how it works. To be honest, I am not 100% sure what I am even looking for. As much as I don't want it to be so, I can't deny that I feel that God is nudging us out of our comfort zone to seek another church home. Although there are many things at our current church that I struggle with and feel impotent to change, a big important part of what I feel a church home is, I do have. That is the people and the fellowship. I love the people and there are so many that I am very close to. I believe that the church in its foundation is the fellowship with other believers.

So, I am thinking and praying about what I should be seeking in a church home. I really want a bible-based teaching church. I do not need Sunday morning feel-good, fluffy sermons. I want to study what God says in His Word, even if it is hard to swallow. I want fellowship with other believers fervently committed to Christ. I want my children to be inspired to seek God in their own lives. Ideally, I want a place where there are at least some homeschoolers (at our current church there is one other family). It would be nice for my children not to feel like complete outsiders. It would be nice to have some homeschooling support within the church even if it is just a group of moms that can gather to uplift each other. It would be nice to not have to feel like I have to defend my homeschooling position all the time.

So, the question still is, where are we supposed to be, God? Please guide us.

Spiritual Rhythms

"We cannot transform ourselves.
What we can do is create the conditions in which spiritual transformation can take place, by developing and maintaining a rhythm of spiritual practices that keep up open and available to God." -Ruth Haley Barten Sacred Rhythms

What is my motivation?

The last and final word is this: Fear God. Do what he tells you. And
that's it. Eventually God will bring everything that we do out into the open and
judge it according to its hidden intent, whether it's
good or evil. Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 The Message (Emphasis mine)

These verses got me thinking about the "hidden intent" behind my actions. Why do I do the things that I do. I would be lying if I said I did everything out of pure motivations. Really - who does? We are all selfish by nature, me just as much or more than anyone else. So, I am thinking through my actions from yesterday. What was my motivation? Most of it was purely for myself. It wasn't because I was doing what God told me to do. Yesterday, I was struggling to hear God and find right direction. So, I spent a lot of the day rather aimlessly bouncing from one task to another more or less as a whim struck me. Even still, I got a fair amount of work done, but I think the day could have gone so much smoother with just a bit of planning. And there was so much of my day that was wasted on stupid stuff.

Today, I am going to seek more Godly organization and think about the hidden intent behind my actions.

Pray for it

Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of
your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God." Matthew 21:22 The
Message

In other words, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (New International Version) I believe this, but sometimes have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. I mean "Wow!" That is quite a statement. I really like how the message puts this. Anything is possible as you lay hold of God. I take that to mean that you have to be striving to be in the center of God's will for your life. That being said, you will not be asking for crazy things that are outside of God's will. I have not been praying to win the lottery because I do not believe that is part of God's plan for me. (But if you want to dump a pile of money in my lap, God, I would be ok with that. [wink])

However, there ARE things that I do feel are part of God's plan for me and my family. Some of these things I don't even have a firm grasp on. They are glimpses of visions that God has given me. Sometimes I get frustrated because I cannot see the whole picture. As I read this verse this morning, the idea came to me that I need to intentionally include them in my believing prayers. I include what I know, believing it will happen, even if I have no idea how. God will make them happen and through this process of prayer through which I will come to a greater understanding of what my actions need to be.

Church Home

Over the course of the last 10 years, I have come to discover how important it is to have a church family. My husband and I both basically grew up in the church. For him it was from birth and for me since about the 5th grade. In fact, that is where we met - church. We consistently attended our little Methodist church until about college age. At that time, most of our peers went off to college and we, instead, got married and went to college locally. It is hard to get motivated to get up on a Sunday morning when the only people you know at church are a few of your parents' friends. So, we drifted away for a while. Once we had children, we felt the nudge to return to regular worship every Sunday.

Soon it was apparent to us that this particular church was not meeting our needs and not where we were supposed to be, but we continued to attend because it was our church home where we grew up, got married and baptized our children. We stayed for sentimental reasons. Finally, we got up our nerve (along with my in-laws) and went to another church. We were warmly welcomed, were impressed with all that was available for our children, liked the services, and stayed. (We are not church shoppers, obviously.)

We have now been attending this church for 10 years. Many people at church feel like my second family and I love that. We are actively involved. I can't say that it has always been totally peachy, though. Over time, things change. Pastors leave and new take their place and the overall climate can change. Several years ago the change was definitely geared toward the older generation and many of our peers left the church. We, too, at that time considered making a move. Ultimately, after much prayer and thought, we decided that we should stay and attempt to make our church a vital outreach of God.

Several years have passed. It is still a church of predominately older folks. A study done in our church a few years ago showed the median age to be 65. The Sunday class that hubby and I attend is the "young" adult Sunday School. We are in our 40s. That is not necessarily bad, but it seems that the overall mentality of the church is old. In many cases, modern ways of doing things are perceived as unnecessary and a waste of resources. Meanwhile, I watch my children, especially my older ones, going through the motions of church with disinterest.

To add insult to injury, my husband works for a company that works closely every day with large, vibrant, growing churches. He sees the amazing possibilities to reach others for Christ daily. He has tried to bring some of his knowledge of experience to our church in an attempt to improve that quality of how things are done in our church, but has felt very impotent. After several years of this, he has come to the conclusion that we attend a church for old people and change is not desired. Therefore, he needs to decide, does he want to attend a church for old people or not. He has decided "not".

As for me, I see many of the things that frustrate my husband and they concern me, too, especially when it comes to my children. I want them to want to come to church because they want to worship their God, not to see their friends or because we make them. I fear that when they are on their own, they will not have the desire to bother with church and that breaks my heart.

So, we have been discussing the option of finding another church home. Part of me cannot imagine doing that because it would be like divorcing myself from part of my family. It pains me to even consider it. When my husband said he felt that he really needed to search elsewhere for a church home, I instantly told him that I could not do that. He feels this so strongly that he will go somewhere else and just let us continue to attend our church. I feel like this is certainly not right to separate the family. I think we need to be united in our church home. So, I have been praying about this..a lot! After praying, I know in my heart that our family needs to begin the process of finding the right church home for us. We are searching. Ultimately, we may even decide that we should stay right where we are, but we won't know that for sure until we venture forth. I pray that God will speak to us and show us where we are supposed to be. I know that the safest place to be is in the center of God's will. That is where I am striving to be. I just pray for God's wisdom and guidance to get us there along with the strength to leave my comfort zone.

With God all thing are possible

The Message
Matthew 19 Read This Chapter
19:26
Jesus looked hard at them and said, "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it."

A good reminder!

Lack of Focus and Faith

14 At the bottom of the mountain, they were met by a crowd of waiting
people. As they approached, a man came out of the crowd and fell to his knees
begging, 15 "Master, have mercy on my son. He goes out of his mind and
suffers terribly, falling into seizures. Frequently he is pitched into the fire,
other times into the river. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they
could do nothing for him." 17 Jesus said, "What
a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many
times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up
with this? Bring the boy here." 18 He ordered the afflicting demon out -
and it was out, gone. From that moment on the boy was well. 19 When the
disciples had Jesus off to themselves, they asked, "Why couldn't we throw it
out?" 20 "Because you're not yet taking God
seriously," said Jesus. "The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of
faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would
move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to
tackle." Matthew 17: 14-20 (emphasis mine)

Each day as I do my morning bible reading, I look for a verse that stands out and speaks to me. This morning I was reading Matthew 17. I found it interesting how The Message translated verse 17. Jesus seems a bit frustrated and disgusted when a boy with a demon is brought to him after his disciples failed to cast it out. He says, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives!" Did earlier generations have a true sense of God? I'm sure Adam and Eve did and probably several generations after them. Perhaps, by the time of Noah, that sense of God was nearly gone (except for perhaps Noah and his family) and that is why He was so discouraged with man.

So what is Jesus saying here? We should have a sense of God and a focus in our lives. It seems pretty clear that God should be that focus. Perhaps, because He goes on to discuss faith, faith could be described as focus on God.

So, then I need to ask myself, "What am I focusing on each day?" Even if my intent may be to focus on God, I think I get too distracted with the acts of living and doing the work each day of being a wife and mother. The crazy thing is that this work is from God. So how do I have a sense of God in my day to day, moment by moment actions? So what is the trick to keeping Him in forefront of our thoughts as we cook a meal, wash a dish or hang some clothes? Perhaps I need regular reminders of Him. Those could be items in my view to reminds me to focus on God such as bible verses tacked up or a symbol placed where my eye falls during my work. Another thought is to create benchmarks in my day where I stop my activity to pray. We do this at mealtimes already, but I could also listen for the clock to chime and stop to say a short prayer and make sure my focus is on God in the midst of my activity. I am going to try these things. I believe that if I had that sense of God throughout my day, I would make better choices, have more patience and be at peace no matter what the circumstances. And that is my desire.

Jubilee

"Count off seven Sabbaths of years - seven times seven years: Seven
Sabbaths of years adds up to forty-nine years. 9 Then
sound loud blasts on the ram's horn on the tenth day of the seventh month, the
Day of Atonement. Sound the ram's horn all over the land. 10 Sanctify
the fiftieth year; make it a holy year. Proclaim freedom all over the land to
everyone who lives in it - a Jubilee for you: Each person will go back to his
family's property and reunite with his extended family. 11 The
fiftieth year is your Jubilee year: Don't sow; don't reap what volunteers itself
in the fields; don't harvest the untended vines 12 because
it's the Jubilee and a holy year for you. You're permitted to eat from whatever
volunteers itself in the fields. 13 "In
this year of Jubilee everyone returns home to his family property. 14 "If
you sell or buy property from one of your countrymen, don't cheat him. 15 Calculate
the purchase price on the basis of the number of years since the Jubilee. He is
obliged to set the sale price on the basis of the number of harvests remaining
until the next Jubilee. 16 The
more years left, the more money; you can raise the price. But the fewer years
left, the less money; decrease the price. What you are buying and selling in
fact is the number of crops you're going to harvest. 17 Don't
cheat each other. Fear your God. I am God, your God. 18 "Keep
my decrees and observe my laws and you will live secure in the land. 19 The
land will yield its fruit; you will have all you can eat and will live safe and
secure. 20 Do
I hear you ask, 'What are we going to eat in the seventh year if we don't plant
or harvest?' 21 I
assure you, I will send such a blessing in the sixth year that the land will
yield enough for three years. 22 While
you plant in the eighth year, you will eat from the old crop and continue until
the harvest of the ninth year comes in.

So, is the practice of keeping the Sabbath year and the Jubilee still go on anywhere? I am curious so I checked it out. According to this site, the Jubilee is no longer counted or celebrated. That seems kind of sad. Although the Jews do no cling to Christ for redemption, they also do not cling to the Law as set forth in the Torah.

Wife of Good Character

For the past few days, I have been reading my bible during my morning quiet time from The Message. It is a modern day paraphrase. Although I wouldn't want to do all my studying out of the version, it can add an interesting perspective to verses, especially ones you have already read and studied before.



Today I got to Proverbs 31 which includes the section about a "wife of noble character."
Because I feel that being a wife/mother/homemaker is one of the highest callings that God has set before me and that these verses are probably the only detailed description of one in the bible, I have studied them fairly often. It is interesting to read them in The Message:

A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places

and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.

She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside,
plants a garden.

First thing in the morning,
she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves,
eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.

She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.

She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,

and she always says it kindly.

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

Originally, I studied these verses in the NIV (New International Version). I like how The Message has made this text more relevant to today. Talk of "servant girls" and "placing my hand to the distaff" do not really apply to my life. However "organizing my day" and "likes to knit and sew" make more sense to me.

There are many nuggets of wisdom within these verses, but the one that gave my pause today was this:

"She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps
them all busy and productive."

As a mom, especially a homeschooling mom, this has special significance for me. My days are busy and with mothering and teaching many, I often struggle to keep tabs on everyone at all times making sure they are "busy and productive." Often I am content with "quiet and not causing trouble" even if that means watching a video or playing a computer game. Not to say that these activities are terrible and should never happen, but there are days I use them as a sort of babysitter so that I can get some things done without children underfoot.

I am going to consciously aware of what my children are doing throughout the day and make an effort to keep them busy and productive. We'll see how it goes with my sanity.

I am in charge of paying our household bills even though it is not a job I particularly enjoy. I also find myself very busy every day. Due to these two facts, I am bad about paying bills promptly. It is not a matter of not intending to pay the bills. They just get set on my desk and neglected. A while back, I was convicted that I needed to be better in this area and be an on-time and even and early bill payer. As a Christian witness, this is more honoring to God. I was very diligent in this area for quite some time, but life got over the top busy again, and I have a pile of bills sitting on my desk again. Everyday I tell myself that I have got to get to those, yet they still sit there. Then I read this verse this morning:

"'Do not hold back the wages of a hired man overnight. " Lev. 19:13

Hmmm...isn't that exactly what I have been doing? So, in front of God and anyone else reading this, I am committing once again to being a prompt bill payer. With God's help I can be the person He desires me to be.

Live with Intention

3-8"What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the
seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it
sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered
just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled by the
weeds. Some fell on good earth, and produced a harvest beyond his wildest
dreams.

18-19"Study this story of the farmer planting seed. When anyone hears news
of the kingdom and doesn't take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so
the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person's heart. This is
the seed the farmer scatters on the road.
20-21"The seed cast in the
gravel—this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But
there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some
difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.
22"The seed cast
in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and
illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what
was heard, and nothing comes of it.
23"The seed cast on good earth is
the person who hears and takes in the News, and then produces a harvest beyond
his wildest dreams." Matthew 13 (The Message)

During my morning quiet time today, I read the parable of the Sower. (See above in the Message version) I find that even though I am a Christian and believe in Christ with all of my heart, I am not always "good earth." I think that often my life is filled with "weeds." The weeds are the busy-ness of life. There are so many things to do to manage a household of eight. Add to that the homeschooling, managing the apartments, church commitments, etc. and my life is full of so many things to do. The difficult thing is to figure out what things on my daily to-do list are weeds and which are the plants that will produce a harvest "beyond my wildest dreams."

Last night, as I was going to sleep and thinking about all that I need to get done, a thought came strongly into my head and it feels like it is from God. I need to Live with Intention. What does that mean? There are more things to fill my day than I can possibly ever get done. Living with intention, is intentionally choosing those activities instead of just merely dealing with things as they come at me. It is planning ahead instead of dealing with emergencies as they happen. Now, there are day that are just filled with emergencies and catastrophes that need to be dealt with, but I believe that by planning ahead, we can get less sucked into those things that SEEM like emergencies at the time, but are really not in the eternal picture.

So, my plan of action:

• Make sure that I have daily quiet time with God to be able to discern what needs to be weeded out each day.
• Make short manageable to-do lists and follow them.

The woman I AM vs. the woman GOD CREATED me to be

I have been doing some soul searching lately. I don't know about you, but periodically I feel the need to question who I am and what I am doing. Perhaps that is because I have this niggling from God that I have gotten off track, or because life is not running smoothly and I want to be able to do things better.

My life is very FULL right now. I have many things that tug at my attention and my time (and I am not just refering to my five kids ;-). I have many duties as a wife, mother, full-time teacher to my children and manager of my home. Beyond this, I have many duties as an apartment manager. Then there are the other things that I am passionate about. These are the things in the creative realm like my digital design work and photography. All of these are both literally and figuratively pulling at me constantly.

I was saddened to realize that from a financial standpoint, the work I am passionate about (the creative stuff) has very little value and the work that I consider a pure burden (apartment management) can gain me the most income. Of course, raising my children actually costs me. And although there ARE those days I consider it a burden, for the most part it is my first calling and my joy right now.

This realization hit me as I did my taxes this year. It was SO SAD to see how little the creative stuff earns me. Part of me says I should just give it up entirely and not waste my time, but part of me just can't. I am driven to create. It is part of my inmost being and I believe this is a God-given desire and therefore, He has a reason and a purpose for it. But, I need to focus more of my energies on the apartments. [sigh] I have gone along too long just doing the barest minimums in that area. I am crying out to God like a little child throwing a tantrum, "But I don't WANT to do that!" I know God must be trying to grow me.

Hence the title of the blog, "The woman I AM vs. the woman GOD CREATED me to be." I am trying to get some clarity of vision as to who this other woman is. I think that if I could actually visualize her, I could make better choices to become her. Does that make sense? I am trying to not look at what I want for myself but what God desires for me and from me. It is about giving up a certain amount of selfishness. I certainly have some work to do in this area.

Hells Best Kept Secret

Momma's Guide to Quiet Times in Loud Households

Sounds like the perfect book for me!

Clarity

I chose clarity as my word of the year or at least for a season. (See this post). So, I am tying to do a in depth word study of it. I have discovered after searching many versions, that clarity is not a word found in the bible, but I did find it here:

Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

Exodus 24:10 and they saw the God of Israel. And there was under His feet as it were a paved work of sapphire stone, and it was like the very heavens in its clarity. (New King James)

Acts 22:11And when I saw not, for the clarity of that light, I was led by the hand of fellows, and I came to Damascus. (WYC) (Paul after Jesus came to him in a blinding light)

Revelation 21:11having the clarity of God; and the light of it like [to] a precious stone, as the stone jasper, [and] as crystal. (WYC)

Revelation 21:23And the city hath no need of the sun, neither [of] moon, that they shine in it; for the clarity of God shall lighten it; and the lamb is the lantern of it. (WYC)

CLARITY defined:
clar·i·ty /ˈklærɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[klar-i-tee]
–noun
1.
clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.
2.
the state or quality of being clear or transparent to the eye; pellucidity: the clarity of pure water.

Honor Roadblocks

#1 Anger
Everyone needs to learn to be a peacemaker. Peacemakers seek to bring people together in agreement and look for solutions where everyone wins.

#2 Selfishness
Teach servanthood

#3 Foolishness
Acting before thinking

Conflict with brothers and sisters is a child's first class in relationships. You home is the classroom, you are the teacher, and honor is the curriculum. Each conflict situation is an opportunity for teaching children how to get along.