Mourning a Loss

This has been a difficult week for me. I shared last year a bit about our family's struggles to find a new church home. We have found a new church that didn't exactly match our list of wants, but it feels right. I know it is the place where God wants us right now. One of our concerns through this transition was harming the close friendships that we had at our former church. There are many there that we love like family. Many of them are part of a women's bible study that I have attended for seven years. We have laughed and cried together, and had the blessing of praying over each other's needs.

I decided to continue meeting with this group at our old church because of those friendships that I value so much. However, through a conversation with a friend from that study, my eyes were opened to the fact that there is bitterness and resentment towards me and another member who also left the church but still attends. This really wounds me because I thought those bonds of friendship were strong enough to weather this transition we were making. Now, I see that they are not. So, the question is, now that I know this, what do I do? During my morning bible study a couple of days ago, I was studying about obedience and submission to God. At that very moment, I got a very strong sensation that this is the time to step away from that bible study. As I tried to ignore this thought, I went back to reading about obedience and submission to God. [sigh] I knew the painful choice that I must make.

This morning is the first meeting of this bible study. I feel pretty sad. I am mourning the loss of those close bonds with those ladies. However I do not regret my choice. I know that bowing out gracefully was the best thing to do, for if I stayed, I may become a stumbling block to others faith. If my presence causes negative, ungodly feelings in others, then I should not be there.

These verses come to mind this morning:

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. 1 Corinthians 10:23, 31-33

As I grow in my understanding of God, I am realizing that this life here on earth is not about me at all. Our human nature is selfish and is naturally focused on our own needs and wants. I think part of the process of sanctification (becoming more holy and Christlike) is understanding that obedience to God is first. That knocks my own desires down the priority list. So, in this particular instance, I have a bible study that fills a need in my life for Christian fellowship with other women, but in obedience God I am giving that up because my needs do not outweigh the fact that I may be a stumbling block to others in their relationship with God.

So, I sit here at home this morning lifting up those who are still there in prayer, looking to God to provide for my needs of fellowship. I have no doubts that He will. He always does provide.